You Say Potato....I say Tatty

The most entertaining difference between British and American culture I’ve found are the funny little colloquialisms the Brits use. They have such endearing names for things...such nice, wholesome labels that make anything appropriate for discussion in mixed company. The dichotomy between the stark harshness of Americans and the genteel constitutions of Britons is typified in the images these words produce. It makes even the most disgusting topic safe for dinner with the Queen.

For example, we have “sidewalks” in America. Get on the side if your going to walk. Out of the way. Walkers on the side. In England, they’re called “pavements.” It’s like a special area has been paved just for you if you want to walk. Paved of ment. Like a mint. Like a little after-dinner treat paved just for you and your walking needs.

“Retirees” are called “pensioners.” Instead of bringing up images of tired old people shuffling off to their Craftmatic Adjustable Beds, older Brits are taken care of in their golden years with the promise of wonderful money...so wonderful, in fact, that they are given the honor of the name as a reminder. It’s something for the younger crowd to look forward to. A pension. “I’ll be a Pensioner and get a pension”...instead of, “I’ll be a retiree and have to go to bed early.”

If you lose your job in England, you are “made redundant.” You aren’t “fired,” which brings to mind images of being burned alive as well as out of a job. In England you are still out of a job, but you have been made something. You are “made supervisor” or “made a partner” or “made redundant.” The only difference is the paycheck. It seems so much nicer that way.

And then there’s the “fart.” How crass is that? It even sounds like the name. Farrrrt. Here, it is a lovely “wind.” Like a spring breeze that smells of roses and honeysuckle. “Pardon me, I have wind.” Much better than, “Hey, I farted.”

America’s poor are often relegated to live in “the projects” like it’s some kind of special homework assignment. In England they live in “Council Estates” which makes you think of lovely historic buildings and palatial lawns. “I live on an estate.” It’s probably good for morale. So much lovelier than living in something that sounds like a shoe box meant to look like the Parthenon.

Children in England have a cute name for their...erm...number two. They call it a biggie. Which is probably why Wendy’s has never taken off in this country. After all, who wants to buy a poo fry?

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Big Brother Update - Jennifer, who is the pretty girl whom all the boys are trying to woo, was nominated for eviction. She's one of those popular girls who think she is the sweetest, the kindest, the smartest, and the most down-to-earth, but is actually an annoying pain in the arse because she thinks so highly of herself while putting everyone else down...in a "nice way" of course. Her reaction will be legendary. She'll probably cry...she does that a lot. You know the type. Huzzah for the underdogs.

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Lesson for the Day - Camden Market is the coolest place on Earth - but it’s hell when you don’t have any money to spend. I’m glad I waited until the end of my stay to go there...otherwise I would have been sleeping on a park bench for the last two weeks.

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